A lot happy, a little sad, a little heartfelt...

A little of everything I guess. I have started running again in the mornings. Just about 30 minutes each morning. I run between 2 1/2 and 3 miles, and I love it. I forgot how much I need that "me" time. I don't get a whole lot of that...and I know lots of women feel the same way. My husband works a ton so the kids are with me A LOT! Sometimes the three of them will nap at the same time, but most of the time not. :-) I just need time to collect my thoughts. The 30 minute run each morning gives me that. I think about life, the kids, Ryan, work, errands...thoughts I haven't been able to keep straight for months. Don't get me wrong here..I still lack brainpower that gets sucked away as each child has been born. Trust me, I am not the same organized, keeping track of dates and appointments gal that I used to be. But since I started running again, I feel "clearer" if you will. I feel released. I feel open. Energized. Ambitious. And dare I say a little more organized? :-)

I haven't exercised on a regular basis over the last six years or so for one reason or another--I was pregnant (three times if you lost track); I was nursing; I was pregnant again; I was nursing again; I felt exhausted all the time; I went back to work full time from part time; I moved to a different grade level; Ryan took a different job; I was pregnant again; I was nursing again....I think there is a pattern here. All of these were easy excuses to not exercise.

Now, I am free. I am not working right now. Ryan has a great assistant at work. I am not pregnant. Carly developed an allergy to breast milk and had to be moved to formula to gain more weight. Why the little bit sad? I won't have any more kids. That chapter of my life is over. My tubes are tied. We made that choice together. It was the right choice. I know that deep down. We can't afford any more. I'm not a good "pregnant person." I am miserable most of my pregnancies. Why then? Why do I feel sad at being done? Why can't I say with determination that we are done having babies? Why do I feel a small void still? Maybe because I waited my whole life to have babies so moving on from that is like finishing a chapter in a book that I couldn't wait to get to...and now it is done. I know that the next chapters will be equally if not more exciting and rewarding. But still....

I feel heartfelt. Heartfelt to have two huge inspirations in my exercise quest. My sister and my friend Meredith . A huge "shout out" to both of them. As I run each morning, I think of them running. I am not even half of the runners they both are. They are inspirational. Runners. Mothers. Friends. Sisters. Wives. Daughters. Inspiring. Dedicated. Confident. Their energy fuels me. Their dedication inspires me. Motivates me. Moves me.

Thankful. Thankful for my 30 minutes each morning to watch the fog lift from the valley. To listen to my favorite music as loud as I'd like. Thankful to have a break from listening to "kids" music all the time. :-) Thankful for my three healthy kids and great husband. Thankful for a life beyond anything I ever imagined. Thankful to be "a lot" happy!